Madame Web

My View: Madame Web (2024) PG-13  Cassandra Webb (Dakota Johnson) is a NYC paramedic who develops clairvoyant powers and repeatedly crosses paths with three young women (Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, and Celeste O’Connor). Cassandra realizes these women must be protected at all costs because they are destined to become superheroes. I have become a fan of Dakota Johnson, who has overcome the albatross of those icky Fifty Shades films. Unfortunately, Dakota looks like she has no idea what this film is about, and I understand that because, after seeing it, I’m not sure either. Madame Web is one of the most poorly written films I have witnessed in my 13 years as a film critic. Add to that fact that the studio went the absolutely cheapest route on special effects and gives us a film about spidermen (and ultimately spider-women) without including the man himself. The dialogue is horrible, and the studio thinks Tahra Rahim, who plays the bad guy, can’t speak English. They have ADR’ed his lines so badly that I’ve seen better dubbing in those 1960s Hercules films made in Italy than this one. By the way, the bad guy has had a long time to come up with a plan to kill the three teen girls, but I guess he spent most of his time playing with his spider because it’s a pretty crappy plan. Add all this, and we have three teen characters that are so annoying that we almost want them to die. I didn’t recognize Sydney Sweeney for nearly half the film because she is wearing a wig that looks like it was borrowed from a community theatre that puts on a yearly Christmas play. The editing is incredibly jumpy, so much so that I would have to see the film three or four times before I could tell you what actually happens in the final action sequence. Those hoping, like I was, that we would see Dakota Johnson doing some superhero things will be disappointed, as she mostly does a lot of running, driving, and complaining about how the three girls aren’t taking things seriously. I hope Emma Roberts and Adam Scott enjoyed their two days on the set and got paid big bucks, but we barely see either of them do anything on the screen but be filler for the too-long run time. I don’t think we will see Madame Web and her Spider-girls anytime soon, and I don’t think the studio believes that either, since it’s one of the few Marvel films without a post-credit scene. My Rating: You Would Have to Pay Me to See it Again  Madame Web Website   Now playing in theatres nationwide.

My View: Bob Marley: One Love (2024) PG-13  The story of how reggae icon Bob Marley (Kingsley Ben-Adir) overcame adversity and an assassination attempt to become a beacon for peace in his country and the world. Kingsley Ben-Adir does a wonderful job portraying Bob Marley, perfectly capturing a man who was a force both on the music stage and in person. Disappointingly, Ben-Air is let down by a script that continually falls back on Marley’s music as a crutch when they get stuck with the storyline. When I saw the trailer, I thought the film was primarily about Marley’s return to Jamaica to bring peace and unity to a country that had known so much bloodshed. Unfortunately, the film isn’t really about that. It’s a meandering story about Marley leaving Jamaica for London to record a legendary album. The film should have been more about the relationship between Marley and his wife, Rita (played by the brilliant Lashana Lynch), who put up with Marley and his relationships with other women. We get to see a little of this, but Rita is more than just another bit player in the life of Marley. This isn’t surprising as the Marley family, mainly his son Ziggy, played a big part in producing the film. So, if you love his music, buy the soundtrack, but if you want to know about his life, watch the 2012 Kevin Macdonald documentary Marley, which will give you a better experience of seeing and enjoying the man, the myth, and the music legend Bob Marley.   My Rating: Bargain Matinee  Bob Marley: One Love Website  Now playing in theaters.

My View: Players (2024)  New York sportswriter Mack (Gina Rodriguez) has spent years developing special and successful hook-up ‘plays’ with her best friend Adam (Damon Wayans Jr.) and their crew. Mack sets her sights on the Big Apple’s most eligible bachelor, war correspondent Nick (Tom Ellis). Mack may have to rethink the ‘game’ entirely when she begins to fall for Nick. I enjoyed this rom-com because of Gina Rodriguez, who has a blast as Mack, a woman tired of playing the field and ready to find true love, not just someone to trick into having a one-night stand. Rodriguez is believable as a sportswriter, specializing in finding human interest stories in strange sports like boxing/chess matches (it is just like it sounds) and has fun with the role. The little gang she runs with is fun, and there is some good chemistry interplay with the group, who each use a play from their vast playbook to seduce both men and women. However, Mack is tired of the game and wants to find someone to share her life with. Mack thinks she has found her man in Nick, played nicely by Tom Ellis. I won’t tell you exactly what happens, but let’s say that, like many rom-coms, love is closer than Mack thinks. Players isn’t a great rom-com, but because of the charisma of Gina Rodriquez, it will satisfy your need for a bit of fun and romance with, spoiler alert, a happy ending.   My Rating: Bargain Matinee  Players Website  Now playing on the Netflix platform.

Indiefest: God & Country (2024) PG-13   Documentary that examines the history of Christian nationalism and its rise in the political landscape. God & Country is a film about how the separation of Church and State is getting less and less and how the rise of Christian nationalism has grown over the past 30 years. The insights that the film gives are based on a lot of the people who study religion, and the commentators not only give out information and historical facts but also give their own experiences with Christian churches and the rise of nationalism from the inside. This film is a terrifying depiction of how close we were to complete chaos on Jan. 6th and that if we're not careful, it could happen again and succeed. Using footage from Christian broadcasts, webcasts, and church sermons, we see how, through the years, nationalism has taken hold in so many churches and how it’s used for political power and fundraising. God & Country is a chilling examination of what our country might become, and it's as terrifying as any horror film that Hollywood has produced.  My Rating: Full Price  God & Country Website   Now playing in theaters.

Indiefest: The Space Race (2023)   Documentary on the experiences of the first Black astronauts, telling the story of breaking barriers and the burden they carried. As a kid who grew up in the 60s, I was a space nut. I watched every launch, and I can tell you where I was when significant events like the landing on the moon or the Challenger explosion happened. So, I know a lot about NASA and its astronauts. Or so I thought. I had no idea about Ed Dwight Jr., an astronaut candidate who was part of John F. Kennedy’s push in the space race and whose candidacy ended with Kennedy’s assassination. Or the story of Robert Lawrence Jr., an astronaut candidate who probably would have been another one who would have broken the barrier in the 60s but died in a test pilot crash. The film gives the men and women who blazed the trail the chance to share their stories in their own voices. It’s a fantastic story of overcoming obstacles that took too long to change. The Space Race allows us to learn about a group of men who were trailblazers and let their stories be told.   My Rating: Full Price  The Space Race Website   The review will be up on Friday, Feb. 16th.

Forgotten Film: Lourdes (2009)   Christine (Sylvie Testud) is a wheelchair-bound woman who has had a dream where she talks to the Virgin Mary and can walk. So she goes to Lourdes, the famous place where the water has performed miracles, hoping that something will happen. Sometimes, the journey is more important than the place you are going to. Lourdes is a film that doesn’t ask you to believe; in fact, many of the people you meet in the movie don’t believe at all. However, it’s also about those same people who are trying to live their lives the best they can. Sylvie Testud is marvelous in the role of Christine, a woman not necessarily looking for a miracle, but looking for love and kindness.   My Rating: Full Price  Lourdes Info The film is available on Disc from Amazon.

Weird Credits: From the credits of Bob Marley: One Love: Desk Operator

Coming Soon to a Screen Near You: Dune: Part Two (2024) PG-13 Paul Atreides (Timothée Chalamet) has found love in Chani (Zendaya) and has the Fremen on his side in getting revenge against the conspirators who murdered his family. Paul may have to choose between love and the universe’s fate as he endeavors to prevent a horrible future only he can foresee. The first film did an excellent job of setting up what will happen in the second film, and we all can’t wait to see it.  Dune: Part Two Website The film will be released on March 1, 2024.

Until Next Time!

Mean Girls

My View: Mean Girls (2024) PG-13   New student Cady (Angourie Rice) has it made! An elite group of popular girls called ‘The Plastics’ has welcomed her into the top of the social situation at her school. The Plastics are ruled by conniving queen bee Regina (Reneé Rapp), and she isn’t someone you want to cross. However, Cady makes a major mistake by falling for Regina’s ex-boyfriend Aaron (Christopher Briney), and now she finds herself in Regina’s crosshairs. Can Cady survive the wrath of The Plastics and High School? This film suffers from what I call ‘The Broadway Bloat,’ when a musical has too many songs, some of which do absolutely nothing to progress the plot or give character insight. A good example is ‘Sexy,’ which Avantika sings at a Halloween party. It’s just a waste of screen time. The film also does a horrible job of making Renee Rapp stand out. Rapp played Regina in the 2nd year of the Broadway run, and I can see how she would dominate the stage with her presence, but with her two best songs, Someone Gets Hurt and World Burn, Rapp is second to the attempt to make the film look like a TikTok video. Having recently watched the 2004 film, I was stuck on what Tina Fey cut out of the film, including some fun jokes and funny sequences from the original. A perfect example of how badly shot the film is when Cady’s two best friends are watching a horror movie (one of the Friday the 13th films) on Halloween, when Cady, dressed as a zombie bride, walks in on the two. In the original film, Cady’s sudden appearance in the doorway scares them, right out of a horror movie. It’s a funny moment. In this version, the shot is so poorly done that it seems the film, not Cady’s sudden appearance scares the two. I also didn’t like the change of songs that the Plastics sing at the Winter Talent show. I loved in the original film how Cady saves the day by singing Jingle Bell Rock when the music starts skipping because of Gretchen’s stumble, which makes Cady the center of the spotlight and the hero. The song is different in the musical and the impact of what happens misses the mark on elevating Cady in the eyes of the audience. I will say the casting of Jenna Fisher as Cady’s mother was a brilliant move, as Angourie Rice looks and acts so much like Fisher that it’s uncanny. Overall, I came away from the film wanting more. I wanted it to be funnier, the songs to stand out more, and I wanted to go away from the film humming a song or two.   My Rating: Bargain Matinee  Mean Girls Website Now playing in theatres nationwide.

My View: The BeeKeeper (2024) R   Clay’s (Jason Statham) world is rocked when his neighbor (Phylicia Rashad) is scammed by a phishing operation, which causes her financial ruin, and she takes her own life. Clay is about to get revenge for his neighbor because they don’t know who they messed with. Clay is a former operative of a powerful and clandestine organization known as ‘Beekeepers.’ I saw three action films this week, and this is the only one that I had fun watching. It’s got all you want from a Statham film. Jason beats up and kills a bunch of bad guys, sometimes in very imaginative ways. Check! Jason is on the side of right vs wrong and he doesn’t care who he is taking on to get retribution. Check! Jason says a few lines commenting on how the over-confident bad guy will die. Check! Things blow up bigger than they should, and maybe even if they shouldn’t. Check! The Beekeeper is what I call a ‘stupid fun’ movie. It knows what it is and has fun with it. Statham, who has made an excellent living doing this kind of part, does his Statham thing and is serious throughout, even in the touching moments (there is one early on to show he has a heart). For a few minutes, I didn’t recognize Josh Hutcherson, who plays the main bad guy as the troubled son of a wealthy person. He is ok in the role, but to make up for that, we have Jeremy Irons chewing up scenery only like Jeremy can, as the bad guy’s head of security slash trouble fixer. Spoiler alert: if this is the box office, I think it will do; I can see this being a Statham series where he rights further wrongs for the weak and defenseless. How about The Beekeeper II: The Sting is back!?   My Rating: Bargain Matinee  The Beekeeper Website  Now playing in theatres nationwide.

My View: The Book of Clarence (2023) PG-13  Clarence (LaKeith Stanfield) is a hustler whose days may be numbered because he owes money to a local mobster. A mobster who happens to have a sister that Clarence is in love with. Clarence notices his brother is doing well following a local Messiah named Jesus. Clarence claims he is also a Messiah, but soon discovers that life becomes very complicated when dealing with things like God. Like his western film, The Harder They Fall (2021), where he played off the Hollywood westerns of the 40s and 50s, filmmaker Jeymes Samuel takes on the classic Hollywood religious spectacles and gives it his unique spin. The result is a film that is engaging and sometimes hilarious but doesn’t always succeed in what Samuel is trying to do. LaKeith Stanfield is brilliant as Clarence, who is madly in love with local mobster Jedediah’s sister (played by Anna Diop). Clarence owes a lot of money to Jedediah (Eric Kofi-Abrefa) and spends most of his time early on in the film trying to find a way to raise the money while dodging Jedediah and his henchmen. There are some shout-outs to the classic religious films, including a rousing chariot race and a couple of scenes reminiscent of Jesus Christ Superstar. The film explores Christianity, the power of belief, and how we look for messiahs in times of strife. At its heart, the film is a journey of discovery and enlightenment. It just takes a long and winding road to find it.   My Rating: Bargain Matinee  The Book of Clarence Website  Now playing in theatres.

My View: Role Play (2023) R  Emma (Kaley Cuoco) is married to Dave (David Oyelowo), and they have a great life with two kids in the suburbs of New Jersey. Couples sometimes have a secret or two they keep from their loved ones. Emma’s secret is she is an assassin for hire and is wanted for murder…many murders. I am a fan of both Kaley Cuoco and David Oyelowo, so I was looking forward to this film, which looked like it would be a lot of fun—a sexy assassin living a double life as a housewife in the suburbs. The film starts with a nice encounter with a fellow killer, played by the always enjoyable and stylish Bill Nighy, who messes up Emma and Dave’s big night out on the town. Unfortunately, the film goes downhill from there. The film takes too long to reunite the couple once Emma’s cover has been blown and then there isn’t the fun or thrill that the encounter with Nighy’s character gave us. I wanted more of Oyelowo, as the mild-mannered husband, having to help Emma defeat the bad guys, but he mainly just reacts to his continual disbelief that his wife is a killer. Cuoco is fine as the assassin and does well in the action sequences, but the film doesn’t let her comedic talents come out at all. I think the film suffers from a villain, played by Connie Nelson, who doesn’t have the magnetic pull of Nighy’s bad guy from the early portion of the film.   My Rating: Cable  Role Play Website  Now playing on Amazon Prime.

My View: Lift (2024) PG-13   An Interpol agent named Abby (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) and her ex-boyfriend Cyrus (Kevin Hart), a renowned art thief, are teaming up to steal 500 million in gold bullion from an evil arms dealer (Jean Reno). The only problem is that they must steal it while transported on a 777-passenger flight. Lift is a film that aspires to be clever but keeps throwing tech stuff at you to show you how brilliant the film’s heroes are. I am not a fan of movies that keep something from you until the end, and this film does a poor job of just doing that. We know the good guys will win in the end, but the build-up takes too long to get there, and I was never clear on the heist’s details to begin with. Kevin Hart tries to play the suave thief who has one weakness: he is in love with the Interpol agent (Mbatha-Raw) who is trying to catch him. The plot is razor thin on how and why the gang has to help Interpol steal the gold and then even thinner when getting an internet billionaire to lend him his fancy jet to do the heist. I am guessing that it’s an inside joke that the ‘master of disguise’ character Denton, played by Vincent D’Onofrio (who seems like he has just woken up from a nap in every scene), has some of the worst disguises in the history of film. Lift is a film that wants to be clever and fun but instead feels as if the writer and director felt as if we keep throwing tech stuff at them, they won’t notice we don’t really have a plan.   My Rating: Cable  Lift Website  Now playing on Netflix.

My View: Self Reliance (2023) R  Tommy (Jake Johnson) is a single guy who, right off the street, is given a chance to win a million dollars on a dark web internet program. He must stay alive for 30 days while a team of assassins try to kill him. His only way to stay alive is that they can only kill him when he is alone. Can he convince someone he just met, a woman named Maddy (Anna Kendrick), to stay with him 24 hours a day for a share of the prize? So if you were single and had a nowhere job, and Andy Samberg pulled up in a limo, invited you inside, and then said you could win a million dollars, would you? Even if it meant that you could die? And so starts Self Reliance, a film that Jake Johnson wrote, directed, and stars in. I wanted to like this movie, but it never pushes the boundaries of comedy or drama far enough into absurdity for it to be interesting for the entire hour and twenty-five minutes. There is a great bit early on when none of his family believes his story, and for most of the film, we go back and forth on whether we think this is real or some psychotic episode that Tommy is having. Adding Maddy into the game mix was a fine addition, but that storyline gets lost when Tommy pushes things too far. I would have loved Anna Kendrick to have gone on some of Tommy’s adventures with him. Kendrick plays off of Johnson well, and she could have helped take the film over the top. Self Reliance has some funny moments, but it could have been more, with an ending feels rushed and dwindles away. I wish the film had gone all out, either darker or more absurd. Overall, I look forward to seeing what Jake Johnson can develop next, just let it go further.   My Rating: Bargain Matinee  Self Reliance Website  Now playing on Hulu. 

Forgotten Film: It’s Kind of a Funny Story (2010) PG-13  Craig (Keir Gilchrist) is a high-school student who is infatuated with his best friend’s girl and can’t focus on his schoolwork. Depressed and suicidal, he checks himself into the psychiatric ward. The juvenile side is full, so he gets stuck in the adult ward, where he makes friends with Bobby (Zach Galifianakis), who takes Craig under his wing. Along the way, Craig meets Noel (Emma Roberts), who just might solve all of his problems, or at least that unrequited crush. The film has a wonderful cast that includes Zoë Kravitz, Jim Gaffigan, Lauren Graham, and Thomas Mann. Gilchrist is perfect in the role of the teen who is cracking under the pressure of high school and high expectations, and Galifianakis is fun as his guide to survive the psych ward. It’s Kind of a Funny Story is a warm-hearted film that didn’t deserve to get lost, and Emma Roberts shows why she was destined for stardom.   My Rating: Bargain Matinee  It's Kind of a Funny Story Info  Available to rent/buy on Amazon and Apple TV+.

Weird Credits: From the credits of Mean Girls: Math Consultant

Coming Soon to a Screen Near You: Madame Web (2024) Cassandra Webb (Dakota Johnson) is a NYC paramedic who develops clairvoyant powers and repeatedly crosses paths with three young women (Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, and Celeste O’Connor). Cassandra realizes these women must be protected at all costs because they are destined to become super-heroes. The film is being promoted as a stand-alone film in the Marvel Universe. I have become a fan of Dakota Johnson after trying to forget those Fifty Shades films, so I look forward to this one.  Madame Web Website   The film will be released on February 14, 2024. 

Until Next Time!