My Bottom Ten Films of 2014

The Bottom Ten (okay, twelve) Films of 2014

1). Left Behind (2014)   How bad is this film? It makes the Kirk Cameron's film (of the same name) from 2000 seem like a masterpiece. This film should have been at least fun to watch because Nicolas Cage can chew scenery with the best of them. Sadly, he looks as if he was severely depressed and possibly on medication while making the film, and he seemed to make no effort to show any emotion. The film is summed up by a Photo-Shopped picture of a family that is so bad it looks as if it was done by a four-year-old with a dial-up modem and a fax machine.

2). Tusk (2014) It was painful and gross to watch this film, as a podcaster (Justin Long) is (spoiler alert) turned slowly into a walrus by a mysterious seafarer (Michael Parks). It's sad how far down writer / director Kevin Smith has come from his glory days of Clerks (1994) and Chasing Amy (1997).

3). Dumb and Dumber To (2014) What made this such a disappointment to watch is how this film totally lost the fun and sweetness of the first film. This film isn't funny and is mean spirited.  Lloyd and Harry, who used to be lovable, now just play horrible practical jokes on each other.

4). Ouija (2014) I think a movie based on "Chutes and Ladders" would have been scarier than this film. The plot never makes sense and is completely confusing. It's if the filmmakers wrote this script on the board itself.

5). Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) When Megan Fox is on the screen more than the Turtles, you know you have problems. The filmmakers were convinced that they had to explain everything along the way, going overboard when the opening credits told the story that they then took the next fifteen minutes to explore again.

6).  And So it Goes (2014) It's hard to make a romantic comedy where the male lead (Michael Douglas) plays a character we actually hate. Yes, I know he is supposed to be changed by the love a good woman (Diane Keaton), but by the time it happens, we just don't care anymore. In fact, I want to yell at Keaton's character to run away as fast as she can. Unfortunately, I didn't heed my own advice.

7). Tammy (2014) At one point I started to feel sorry for Melissa McCarthy, handicapped by a bad script and poor jokes, until I remembered that she and her husband were responsible for this dreck of a film. It's a sad thing when the outtakes shown during the credits are the only funny parts.

8). Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) It you love movies with loads of bad dialog and action sequences that make no sense, then this is the movie for you. The script feels as if Michael Bay just followed his son around while he played with some toys and took notes. The film is one long product placement movie that would be a great drinking game...the only way you will enjoy it.

9). Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return (2014) This sort of sequel to the Wizard of Oz will bore the kids by the first song (Good news - you will never buy the soundtrack.), and parents will want to leave by the end of the opening credits. Poor storytelling and even worse songwriting make this film so painful to watch.

10A). Transcendence (2014) I never cared if the researcher (played by Johnny Depp) ever got out of the computer he inhabits after he dies (don't ask how that happens). This is one of those films that I wanted to be over five minutes after it started.

10B). The Bag Man (2014) You would think a film noir movie that takes place in the Louisiana swamp and stars John Cusack and Robert De Niro would at least be watchable, but you would be wrong. Horrible dialog and plot that just never gets moving makes this film one of the worst of the year.

10C). Blended (2014) It wouldn't be a worst films of the year list without Mr. Adam Sandler. Sandler likes to make films where he can take his family on vacation. A couple of years ago, it was Hawaii with the horrible Just Go With It (2011). This year, it’s a film about two single-parent families who mistakenly go on an African vacation. The film felt like it was three hours long, had almost no funny material and couldn’t decide if it was a kid’s movie or a film for frat boys. So it did both, poorly.

Dishonorable Mention: Dracula Untold, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, The Judge, Annabelle, The Hero of Color City, The Man on Her Mind, The Identical, Jersey Boys, Need for Speed, 3 Days to Kill, The Nut Job, The Legend of Hercules, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones  

John Wick

My View:  John Wick (2014) R   A hit man (Keanu Reeves) comes out of retirement to hunt the gangsters who took everything from him. If you are looking for a kick-butt action film that has lots of fight sequences with very little plot, this film is for you. I am guessing that Wick kills between 50 and 60 bad guys in this film. The film takes only about ten minutes for you to figure out the plot and then the killing begins. Reeves is a great action figure, and he doesn’t disappoint. The fight sequences are long, and action is intense.  It’s not a film that’s going to win many screenplay awards, but it’s a fun film to watch.  And you will want him to kill everyone after what they do to Wick at the beginning of the film (spoiler alert:  animal lovers will not be happy).    My Rating: Bargain Matinee  John Wick Website

Indiefest:  Birdman (2014) R   A washed up actor named Riggan (Michael Keaton), who once played an iconic superhero  named, “Birdman,” attempts a comeback on Broadway. This is a fascinating film that is part comedy, part satire.  While I enjoyed Keaton’s performance (there is lots of Oscar talk about it), I thought that Emma Stone, playing Riggan’s daughter, and Edward Norton, a fellow actor, were even better.  Stone perfectly plays the damaged daughter who has a ton of issues with her father. Norton does a masterful job of portraying a talented actor whose ego is out of control. This is one of those films that goes in and out of reality at the turn of a corner, and, therefore, won’t be for everybody. The film is a little long, and I would have preferred a different ending, but if you are into great acting and an interesting storyline, this film is for you.  My Rating: Full Price  Birdman Website

My View:  Ouija  (2014) PG-13  A group of friends unknowingly awaken  the dark powers of an ancient board game. From the same people who brought you the horrible stinker of a film Battleship (2012) comes this badly done horror film. The only slightly scary parts of this film are generated by the jump out of the dark with a loud bang type of scare.  The plot is confusing and never makes sense. It’s as if the filmmakers were making it up as they shot the movie.   My Rating: You Would Have to Pay Me to See it Again  Ouija Website

My View: 23 Blast (2014)  Based on a true story, 23 Blast is about two best friends who have grown up playing football together.  Travis (Mark Hapka) is the more successful of the two as the star running back of the high school team.  Jerry (Bram Hoover) is not as successful or popular, as he is the second string quarterback of the team. Suddenly, a life changing incident changes both of their lives.  This is a heartfelt film that just goes to the cliché  too many times. As with most faith-based movies, the acting in this film is the weak link. It’s an uplifting, feel good story that I just wished had a more believable ending My Rating: Cable  23 Blast Website

Indiefest:  Viktor (2013)  After spending seven years in prison for an art heist, Frenchman Victor Lambert (Gerard Depardieu) travels to Moscow to try and figure out who killed his son.  When Victor makes the discovery, he will make them pay. he film also stars Elizabeth Hurley as a former lover and partner in crime who helps Victor in his quest.  The movie takes way too long to set up, and though there are some good action sequences, they are few and far between.  Depardieu is very disappointing in the role, rarely giving us the emotional performance on screen  that we want. The film is also hurt by most of the actors who have a tough time speaking English, making some of the dialogue extremely hard to understand. It’s a beautiful film to watch, shot on location in Russia, but it’s a film with just style and no substance. My Rating: Cable  Viktor Website

Indiefest:  Pump (2014)  PG  A documentary on America’s addiction to oil.  The film explores a variety of replacement fuels that could possibly lead us away from our dependency on oil. The world is changing, and one example of these dramatic changes is in 2014, GM sold as many cars in China as it did in the U.S.The first portion of this film is sobering and a little depressing as you learn how dependent America is on the supply of oil and how it’s not getting better. The film does an excellent job of showing how much our economy is dependent on oil, but the film isn’t all about bad news.  There are also stories about the numerous alternative fuels that are available now. The film shows that there is hope for the future of transportation in this country. This is an informative film that will make you think about your relationship with your car and the future of energy sources. I will say that this film only gives one side of the picture and never interviews anyone from the current oil industry leadership, so take the facts the film gives out with a grain of salt.  My Rating: Full Price  Pump Website

Indiefest:  The Blue Room (2014)  R  Mathieu Amalric (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Grand Budapest Hotel) directs and stars as Julien, a middle-aged salesman embroiled in a steamy love affair with a married woman.The film goes back and forth from the present time where Julien is in for questioning (we don’t know why) and the past where Julien starts up an affair with a woman from his past. It’s a rich and engrossing film that slowly lets us see how Julien ended up in custody.  This is definitely a brilliantly crafted film, especially for mystery fans.  It’s a movie that you will be talking about for some time as even the ending has a few twists to it.  My Rating: Full Price   The Blue Room Website

Forgotten Film:  Talk Radio (1988) R  Eric Bogosian (who also wrote the screenplay) stars as Barry, a late night radio talk show host who likes to agitate his listeners on air.  Barry’s personal life is falling apart just as he is on the cusp of getting a syndicated radio deal. But, Barry has pissed off a lot of people, and there is a neo-Nazi group who has threated to kill him if he keeps giving his opinions. With an outstanding performance by Bogosian, this is a smart, fast moving film that is still relevant today. While most of the film takes place inside the booth at the radio station, the movie never feels slow and creates more tension than most mysteries.  My Rating: Full Price   Talk Radio Info

Weird Credits: From the credits of Birdman: ultimate arm driver

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You:  Nightcrawler (2014)  R  I have heard great things about this film.  Jake Gyllenhaal plays a young man who gets involved with the high-speed world of L.A. crime journalism where “reporters” follow the sirens to crime scenes.  Nightcrawler Website

Until Next Time!