My Bottom Ten Films of 2014

The Bottom Ten (okay, twelve) Films of 2014

1). Left Behind (2014)   How bad is this film? It makes the Kirk Cameron's film (of the same name) from 2000 seem like a masterpiece. This film should have been at least fun to watch because Nicolas Cage can chew scenery with the best of them. Sadly, he looks as if he was severely depressed and possibly on medication while making the film, and he seemed to make no effort to show any emotion. The film is summed up by a Photo-Shopped picture of a family that is so bad it looks as if it was done by a four-year-old with a dial-up modem and a fax machine.

2). Tusk (2014) It was painful and gross to watch this film, as a podcaster (Justin Long) is (spoiler alert) turned slowly into a walrus by a mysterious seafarer (Michael Parks). It's sad how far down writer / director Kevin Smith has come from his glory days of Clerks (1994) and Chasing Amy (1997).

3). Dumb and Dumber To (2014) What made this such a disappointment to watch is how this film totally lost the fun and sweetness of the first film. This film isn't funny and is mean spirited.  Lloyd and Harry, who used to be lovable, now just play horrible practical jokes on each other.

4). Ouija (2014) I think a movie based on "Chutes and Ladders" would have been scarier than this film. The plot never makes sense and is completely confusing. It's if the filmmakers wrote this script on the board itself.

5). Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) When Megan Fox is on the screen more than the Turtles, you know you have problems. The filmmakers were convinced that they had to explain everything along the way, going overboard when the opening credits told the story that they then took the next fifteen minutes to explore again.

6).  And So it Goes (2014) It's hard to make a romantic comedy where the male lead (Michael Douglas) plays a character we actually hate. Yes, I know he is supposed to be changed by the love a good woman (Diane Keaton), but by the time it happens, we just don't care anymore. In fact, I want to yell at Keaton's character to run away as fast as she can. Unfortunately, I didn't heed my own advice.

7). Tammy (2014) At one point I started to feel sorry for Melissa McCarthy, handicapped by a bad script and poor jokes, until I remembered that she and her husband were responsible for this dreck of a film. It's a sad thing when the outtakes shown during the credits are the only funny parts.

8). Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) It you love movies with loads of bad dialog and action sequences that make no sense, then this is the movie for you. The script feels as if Michael Bay just followed his son around while he played with some toys and took notes. The film is one long product placement movie that would be a great drinking game...the only way you will enjoy it.

9). Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return (2014) This sort of sequel to the Wizard of Oz will bore the kids by the first song (Good news - you will never buy the soundtrack.), and parents will want to leave by the end of the opening credits. Poor storytelling and even worse songwriting make this film so painful to watch.

10A). Transcendence (2014) I never cared if the researcher (played by Johnny Depp) ever got out of the computer he inhabits after he dies (don't ask how that happens). This is one of those films that I wanted to be over five minutes after it started.

10B). The Bag Man (2014) You would think a film noir movie that takes place in the Louisiana swamp and stars John Cusack and Robert De Niro would at least be watchable, but you would be wrong. Horrible dialog and plot that just never gets moving makes this film one of the worst of the year.

10C). Blended (2014) It wouldn't be a worst films of the year list without Mr. Adam Sandler. Sandler likes to make films where he can take his family on vacation. A couple of years ago, it was Hawaii with the horrible Just Go With It (2011). This year, it’s a film about two single-parent families who mistakenly go on an African vacation. The film felt like it was three hours long, had almost no funny material and couldn’t decide if it was a kid’s movie or a film for frat boys. So it did both, poorly.

Dishonorable Mention: Dracula Untold, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, The Judge, Annabelle, The Hero of Color City, The Man on Her Mind, The Identical, Jersey Boys, Need for Speed, 3 Days to Kill, The Nut Job, The Legend of Hercules, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones  

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

My View:  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) PG-13 Shredder and his evil gang have taken over New York City, that is until a certain group of four brothers rise up from the sewers.  Those brothers are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!  First, let me say that I have never seen a movie with more blatant product placement.  And, this movie should be called April O’Neil and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as Megan Fox, playing O’Neil, has as much screen time as the Turtles.  It’s a movie that takes forever to get going and seems to want to explain every little item in the history of the Ninja Turtles. There are a few good action sequences, and there are a few funny scenes, but it wasn’t enough for me to enjoy the film.  And I never want to see Megan Fox trying to act ever again.  My Rating: Cable  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Website

My View:  Into the Storm (2014) PG-13 A group of storm chasers try to follow the storm of a lifetime.  While the residents of Silverton try to take shelter and survive, the storm chasers are out in the elements risking their lives to document this Category 6 storm.  The dialogue is bad, and the acting is mediocre, but that’s not why you see one on these films. It’s all about the special effects, and this movie has them!  Who doesn’t want to see a tornado made of fire next to a church or cars flying into the air like they are pieces of paper?  This is a fun ride that doesn’t take itself too seriously and full of exciting action sequences almost from the start.  My Rating: Bargain Matinee   Into the Storm Website

Indiefest:  Magic in the Moonlight (2014) PG-13 A stuffy English magician (Colin Firth) is brought in to expose a clairvoyant (Emma Stone) who has worked her way into the good graces of a very wealthy family. This should have been a better movie with this cast.  While Firth and Stone have good chemistry on-screen, their age difference, combined with the fact that it’s a Woody Allen film, make their romance a little creepy.  The film starts off with a bang, showing Firth, the magician, working on-stage during a performance, but the film goes downhill once it gets to the south of France, where Firth is trying to prove that Stone’s character is a fraud. The film is rarely funny and wastes the cast’s talents. My Rating: Bargain Matinee   Magic in the Moonlight Website

Indiefest:  The Hundred-Foot Journey (2014) PG Hassan (Manish Dayai) and his family have moved to France from India to open a restaurant.  Unfortunately, they have opened their restaurant right across the road from Madame Mallory’s (Helen Mirren) fine French establishment.  Now it is a battle between the two restaurants, and Madame Mallory is one tough chef!  I liked the first two-thirds of the film, especially the early scenes where the young Hassan is learning how to cook. While Helen Mirren is enjoyable as the cranky Madame Mallory, the role isn’t up to her lofty standards.  I did like the love interest for Hassan, and Marguerite, played by Charlotte Le Bon, but the film feels flat and weak.  Also, I never quite felt the passion for the food, like I did when I watched the much better Chef (2014).  It’s not a bad film, just one without a lot of substance.  My Rating:  Bargain Matinee  The Hundred-Foot Website

Indiefest:  Mood Indigo  (2014)  Colin (Romain Duris) is a wealthy bachelor who likes to invent things.  He is unlucky in love until he meets Chole (Audrey Tautou), and they soon fall in love.  Their romance is threatened when Chole develops a mysterious illness, caused by a flower growing in her lungs.  Now he fights to discover how to cure Chole.  The start of this film is an amazing treat to watch as it is filled with stop motion animation.  Colin’s apartment is piled with his inventions, most of which interact with him on a daily basis, such as a door alarm that crawls down the wall like a bug.  But the film becomes an unhappy mess as it goes along, getting darker and darker, ruining what was a light-hearted romance.  My Rating: Bargain Matinee  Mood Indigo Website

Forgotten Film:  The Duelists  1977)  Two French officers, during Napoleonic times, repeatedly duel through the years as the brash Ferraud (Harvey Keitel) seeks justice through a duel with the noble D/Hubert (Keith Carradine).  This intriguing film, directed by Tony Scott, is a fascinating look at how someone can be obsessed with revenge, so much so that he forgets what the original insult was. The editing and the performance of Keitel are what makes this film so interesting to watch.  My Rating: Bargain Matinee  The Duelists Website

Weird Credits: From the credits of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: stunt pre-viz

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You:  Left Behind (2014)  Millions of people have vanished, and a small group of survivors are left behind to figure out what happened.  Can we have a telethon or Kickstarter campaign to raise money for Nicolas Cage so he can stop making movies for awhile?  Left Behind Website

Until Next Time!

Son of God

My View:  Son of God (2014)  PG-13  The story of Jesus (Diogo Morgado), from his humble beginnings, his lifelong teaching, his crucifixion and his resurrection.  Morgado is admirable in the role and has a pleasing presence on the screen with the perfect amount of charisma the part needs.  The supporting cast is a little weak, with the exception of Darwin Shaw, who plays the hot-headed Peter.  It is very evident that this film was made on a very small budget, especially when the film keeps showing very obvious shots of miniature models of the towns of Jerusalem and Bethlehem. This isn’t a bad film, but it’s a film that brings nothing new to the story of Jesus.  My Rating: Bargain Matinee  Son of God Website

Indiefest:  Kids for Cash (2014)  PG-13 A documentary about the “kids for cash” scandal that unfolded in Pennsylvania in 2008.  A hard-line judge, who was known for his stiff sentences of juveniles, was accused of accepting bribes from privately-owned juvenile prison facilities. By handing down the harsh, long term sentences, the judge increased the number of inmates at the prisons, making the facilities more profitable. This is a film that could have been better as it never quite finds its emotional punch. The film does a excellent job of letting both sides express their opinions, including letting the judge accused of taking the bribes, keep digging his case for prosecution deeper and deeper.  But we only see the emotional impact of the case near the end of the film, and it's not an impression that this type of film needs to make.  My Rating:  Bargain Matinee  Kids for Cash Website

Forgotten Film:  A Private Function  (1984)  R  In 1947 England, rationing due to World War II is still going on, but that doesn't discourage a small town from having a party to celebrate the marriage of Princess Elizabeth.  Soon the whole town is in a frenzy on how to provide food for the celebration, and a plan is hatched to steal a pig, that is until the pig the townspeople want to steal is missing.  This is a light British comedy that makes fun of life in small town post war England.  The comedic talents of Maggie Smith and Michael Palin are on display to enjoy and savor.  My Rating:  Full Price  A Private Function Info

In Memory of Ed Wood (A Movie I’ve Only Seen in Trailers But Just Looks Like a Bad Idea): Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)  I don’t know what the plot is but does it really matter?  This film is directed by Jonathan Liebesman, the same man who brought us Battle: Los Angeles (2011) and Wrath of the Titans (2012).  Enough said.  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

In Case You Missed It (A Film Just Released on DVD/Blu-ray):  Gravity (2013)  PG-13  A medical engineer, Dr. Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock), and a veteran astronaut, Matt Kowalsky (George Clooney), are on a space mission. During a spacewalk, satellite debris crashes into the Space Shuttle and sends Dr. Stone adrift into space with limited oxygen.  I hope you took my advice and saw this film in the theatre.  Sandra Bullock is perfect as the astronaut who is tries to survive in space.  The storyline is so strong that even if you see the film on a small screen, you will still be wowed.  My Rating:  I Would Pay to See it Again  Gravity Website

Weird Credits: From the credits of 3 Days to Kill (2014):  ripper

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You:  Chef (2014)  Jon Favreau wrote, directed and starred in this film about a chef, who, at the sacrifice of his family life, rises to the top of the culinary world, only to lose it all.  Now, he starts a food truck business to not only resurrect his career but to give him time to reconnect with his family.  An all-star cast includes Scarlett Johansson, Robert Downey Jr., Dustin Hoffman, John Lequizamo, and Oliver Platt. Chef Info 

Until Next Time