My Bottom Ten Films of 2014

The Bottom Ten (okay, twelve) Films of 2014

1). Left Behind (2014)   How bad is this film? It makes the Kirk Cameron's film (of the same name) from 2000 seem like a masterpiece. This film should have been at least fun to watch because Nicolas Cage can chew scenery with the best of them. Sadly, he looks as if he was severely depressed and possibly on medication while making the film, and he seemed to make no effort to show any emotion. The film is summed up by a Photo-Shopped picture of a family that is so bad it looks as if it was done by a four-year-old with a dial-up modem and a fax machine.

2). Tusk (2014) It was painful and gross to watch this film, as a podcaster (Justin Long) is (spoiler alert) turned slowly into a walrus by a mysterious seafarer (Michael Parks). It's sad how far down writer / director Kevin Smith has come from his glory days of Clerks (1994) and Chasing Amy (1997).

3). Dumb and Dumber To (2014) What made this such a disappointment to watch is how this film totally lost the fun and sweetness of the first film. This film isn't funny and is mean spirited.  Lloyd and Harry, who used to be lovable, now just play horrible practical jokes on each other.

4). Ouija (2014) I think a movie based on "Chutes and Ladders" would have been scarier than this film. The plot never makes sense and is completely confusing. It's if the filmmakers wrote this script on the board itself.

5). Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) When Megan Fox is on the screen more than the Turtles, you know you have problems. The filmmakers were convinced that they had to explain everything along the way, going overboard when the opening credits told the story that they then took the next fifteen minutes to explore again.

6).  And So it Goes (2014) It's hard to make a romantic comedy where the male lead (Michael Douglas) plays a character we actually hate. Yes, I know he is supposed to be changed by the love a good woman (Diane Keaton), but by the time it happens, we just don't care anymore. In fact, I want to yell at Keaton's character to run away as fast as she can. Unfortunately, I didn't heed my own advice.

7). Tammy (2014) At one point I started to feel sorry for Melissa McCarthy, handicapped by a bad script and poor jokes, until I remembered that she and her husband were responsible for this dreck of a film. It's a sad thing when the outtakes shown during the credits are the only funny parts.

8). Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) It you love movies with loads of bad dialog and action sequences that make no sense, then this is the movie for you. The script feels as if Michael Bay just followed his son around while he played with some toys and took notes. The film is one long product placement movie that would be a great drinking game...the only way you will enjoy it.

9). Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return (2014) This sort of sequel to the Wizard of Oz will bore the kids by the first song (Good news - you will never buy the soundtrack.), and parents will want to leave by the end of the opening credits. Poor storytelling and even worse songwriting make this film so painful to watch.

10A). Transcendence (2014) I never cared if the researcher (played by Johnny Depp) ever got out of the computer he inhabits after he dies (don't ask how that happens). This is one of those films that I wanted to be over five minutes after it started.

10B). The Bag Man (2014) You would think a film noir movie that takes place in the Louisiana swamp and stars John Cusack and Robert De Niro would at least be watchable, but you would be wrong. Horrible dialog and plot that just never gets moving makes this film one of the worst of the year.

10C). Blended (2014) It wouldn't be a worst films of the year list without Mr. Adam Sandler. Sandler likes to make films where he can take his family on vacation. A couple of years ago, it was Hawaii with the horrible Just Go With It (2011). This year, it’s a film about two single-parent families who mistakenly go on an African vacation. The film felt like it was three hours long, had almost no funny material and couldn’t decide if it was a kid’s movie or a film for frat boys. So it did both, poorly.

Dishonorable Mention: Dracula Untold, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, The Judge, Annabelle, The Hero of Color City, The Man on Her Mind, The Identical, Jersey Boys, Need for Speed, 3 Days to Kill, The Nut Job, The Legend of Hercules, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones  

Hercules

My View: Hercules (2014)  PG-13  The son of Zeus, the Greek demigod Hercules (Dwayne Johnson), has completed the “Twelve Labors” and his family has been murdered.  He is asked by the King of Thrace (John Hurt) to help defeat a tyrannical warlord. This is just a fun movie to watch. It’s an imaginative retelling of the Hercules story with lots of action and plenty of "Herc" heroics. The Rock is probably the only man who can pull this off and make it believable.  He shows some of that humor he is known for, and the storyline is filled with nice twists and turns. It’s not a great film, but it’s got a great cast including John Hurt, Rufus Sewell, Ian McShane and Joseph Fiennes.  I enjoyed the 3-D effects, so if you want to spend the extra bucks, I think you will not be disappointed.   My Rating: Bargain Matinee Hercules Website 

My View: Lucy (2014)  R  Lucy (Scarlett Johansson) is working as a drug mule for the mob. A drug she was carrying inside her body leaks and, as a result, it allows her to use more of her brain’s capacity. Now, she can get the revenge she has always wanted.  This movie gets dumber as Lucy gets smarter. Lucy (Johannson) is forced to be a drug mule, and the bag containing the drug ruptures in her body. The drug allows Lucy to use more of her brain, and she gains abilities and powers as the brain-use percentage grows. The first half of this film is a fun, action filled romp with Lucy kicking some major butt, but the second half of the film becomes bogged down into some sort of homage to Stanley Kubrick’s 2001 film. A perfect example of the film’s wackiness: the scene of Lucy getting captured by a drug lord’s hoodlums are inter-cut with scenes of a cheetah hunting a gazelle. Weird! And not in a good way.  My Rating: Cable  Lucy Website

Indiefest: I Origins (2014)  R  Ian (Michael Pitt) is a doctor doing research in the lab with the help of his lab partner, Karen (Brit Marling). Ian is working on a study of the human eye and its evolution. After a brief encounter with an exotic young woman (Astrid Berges-Frisbey), he makes a stunning scientific discovery that may change the way we see science and evolution.  This isn’t a bad movie, it’s just very slow moving and the lead, Michael Pitt, doesn’t have the charisma for the role. I did like Brit Marling as Pitt’s lab assistant (she makes every film she is in better). I think some people will enjoy the film’s debate between spirituality and science, but it’s sort of a romance film and a mystery.  Ultimately, the film fails at both genres.  My Rating: Bargain Matinee  I Origins Website

My View: And So it Goes (2014) PG-13  Oren (Michael Douglas) is a widower who is trying to make one more sale before he retires as one of the top are realtors, so he decides to sell his own house.  While trying to sell his house, he lives in an apartment complex he owns called, the Shangri-La. His life changes when his son (Austin Lysy), on his way to prison, drops his daughter (Sterling Jerins) in Oren’s lap. Now Oren is forced to care for his granddaughter and needs the help of his neighbor, Leah (Diane Keaton) to help.  This film tries really hard to tug at your heartstrings, but it fails mostly due to a badly written script. The biggest problem with this film is that the Michael Douglas character is truly unlikable. So why should we root for him? All I wanted to do was warn the Diane Keaton character to stay away from the mean old man. The kid, played by Sterling Jerins, has very little on-screen chemistry between either of the leads. The plot is predictable and slow moving. I wanted this film to be good, but it just sort of sits there.  My Rating: Cable  And So It Goes Website

Indiefest: Venus in Fur (2013)    Near the end of a long day of auditioning actresses for a new play, writer-director Thomas (Mathieu Amalric), is getting ready to leave his Paris theatre when a woman, Venda (Emmanuelle Seigner) comes into the theatre demanding an audition. Thomas reluctantly agrees and so starts an audition that will change each of their lives.  This intriguing film is a tour de force work of two actors who play off each other extremely well. Seigner is a knockout in the role of Venda, who is sexy and fun one moment but very scary and dominant in the next.  Amalric is almost a dead ringer for the director of the film, Roman Polanski, and does an impressive job of keeping up with Seigner. The film is constantly moving and never feels staged with a script that keeps you guessing. My Rating: Full Price  Venus in Fur Website

                                                            

Forgotten Film: Out of Sight (1998)  R  A career bank robber, Jack Foley (George Clooney), with the help of an old friend (Ving Rhames), breaks out of prison. During the escape, Foley has to kidnap a U.S. Marshall (Jennifer Lopez). After the successful escape, Foley lets the Marshall go, and now Foley, who is on his way to do one last heist, is pursued by the Marshal he kidnapped. This crime / comedy is a blast to watch. Clooney is perfect as the bank robber who charms all the ladies. This is the best work that Lopez has ever done, as she brings a great mix of sexy and determination to the role. This is one of those films you just don’t want to end.  My Rating: I Would Pay to See it Again  Out of Sight Info

Weird Credits: From the credits of Lucy: Additional city artist

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You: Frank (2014)  R A young man joins an eccentric pop band led by a musician who wears a Paper-Mache head twenty-four hours a day. Michael Fassbender in a weird role? Sounds like something he is perfect for.  Frank Website

Until Next Time!