My Bottom Ten Films of 2014

The Bottom Ten (okay, twelve) Films of 2014

1). Left Behind (2014)   How bad is this film? It makes the Kirk Cameron's film (of the same name) from 2000 seem like a masterpiece. This film should have been at least fun to watch because Nicolas Cage can chew scenery with the best of them. Sadly, he looks as if he was severely depressed and possibly on medication while making the film, and he seemed to make no effort to show any emotion. The film is summed up by a Photo-Shopped picture of a family that is so bad it looks as if it was done by a four-year-old with a dial-up modem and a fax machine.

2). Tusk (2014) It was painful and gross to watch this film, as a podcaster (Justin Long) is (spoiler alert) turned slowly into a walrus by a mysterious seafarer (Michael Parks). It's sad how far down writer / director Kevin Smith has come from his glory days of Clerks (1994) and Chasing Amy (1997).

3). Dumb and Dumber To (2014) What made this such a disappointment to watch is how this film totally lost the fun and sweetness of the first film. This film isn't funny and is mean spirited.  Lloyd and Harry, who used to be lovable, now just play horrible practical jokes on each other.

4). Ouija (2014) I think a movie based on "Chutes and Ladders" would have been scarier than this film. The plot never makes sense and is completely confusing. It's if the filmmakers wrote this script on the board itself.

5). Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) When Megan Fox is on the screen more than the Turtles, you know you have problems. The filmmakers were convinced that they had to explain everything along the way, going overboard when the opening credits told the story that they then took the next fifteen minutes to explore again.

6).  And So it Goes (2014) It's hard to make a romantic comedy where the male lead (Michael Douglas) plays a character we actually hate. Yes, I know he is supposed to be changed by the love a good woman (Diane Keaton), but by the time it happens, we just don't care anymore. In fact, I want to yell at Keaton's character to run away as fast as she can. Unfortunately, I didn't heed my own advice.

7). Tammy (2014) At one point I started to feel sorry for Melissa McCarthy, handicapped by a bad script and poor jokes, until I remembered that she and her husband were responsible for this dreck of a film. It's a sad thing when the outtakes shown during the credits are the only funny parts.

8). Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) It you love movies with loads of bad dialog and action sequences that make no sense, then this is the movie for you. The script feels as if Michael Bay just followed his son around while he played with some toys and took notes. The film is one long product placement movie that would be a great drinking game...the only way you will enjoy it.

9). Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return (2014) This sort of sequel to the Wizard of Oz will bore the kids by the first song (Good news - you will never buy the soundtrack.), and parents will want to leave by the end of the opening credits. Poor storytelling and even worse songwriting make this film so painful to watch.

10A). Transcendence (2014) I never cared if the researcher (played by Johnny Depp) ever got out of the computer he inhabits after he dies (don't ask how that happens). This is one of those films that I wanted to be over five minutes after it started.

10B). The Bag Man (2014) You would think a film noir movie that takes place in the Louisiana swamp and stars John Cusack and Robert De Niro would at least be watchable, but you would be wrong. Horrible dialog and plot that just never gets moving makes this film one of the worst of the year.

10C). Blended (2014) It wouldn't be a worst films of the year list without Mr. Adam Sandler. Sandler likes to make films where he can take his family on vacation. A couple of years ago, it was Hawaii with the horrible Just Go With It (2011). This year, it’s a film about two single-parent families who mistakenly go on an African vacation. The film felt like it was three hours long, had almost no funny material and couldn’t decide if it was a kid’s movie or a film for frat boys. So it did both, poorly.

Dishonorable Mention: Dracula Untold, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, The Judge, Annabelle, The Hero of Color City, The Man on Her Mind, The Identical, Jersey Boys, Need for Speed, 3 Days to Kill, The Nut Job, The Legend of Hercules, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones  

Neighbors

My View: Neighbors (2014) R  A young, newly married couple (Seth Rogen, Rose Byrne) live in an ideal, quiet neighborhood. That is until the fraternity, led by Teddy Sanders (Zac Efron), moves into the house next door. After trying various ways to get the frat to quiet down, the young couple decide to wage war on the frat next door.  This is a raucous comedy in the vein of "This is 40" and "The Hangover" films.  There are lots of scenes with drugs, some nudity and some cartoon-like violence.  There are some very funny scenes (though one is ruined because the punch line is prominent in the trailer) in this film, but I left not really like any of the characters.  Rogen and Byrne are incredibly crappy parents, willing to go with the baby to a rave, or getting extremely high while their baby is alone next door (yes, they have a baby monitor, but considering they don't always know where they are, is kind of a moot point).  I did really enjoy Zac Efron as the clueless Teddy who is more concerned that his frat leave a party legacy than he is about graduating.  It's a film that with some really funny scenes but can't this film just can't sustain that momentum. My Rating: Bargain Matinee  Neighbors Website

Indiefest: Locke. (2013) R  On the eve of the biggest night in his construction career, Ivan Locke (Tom Hardy) gets a phone call that will change his life.  Now he must make a huge decision –  to drive home to his wife and kids or to drive to London to deal with this new problem.  Tom Hardy gives a Tour de Force performance in one of the best films of 2014.  He is the only character you see on-screen as this film moves along in real time.  A superb job by Hardy and its writer/director, Steven Knight, as they create a suspense when tension rises with each phone call.  The film is beautifully shot at night, and almost all the cameras are place inside the car, which makes us feel the isolation and pressure that Hardy feels as the film progresses.  This film is not to be missed, and I guarantee it will fly by faster than the 85 minute run time. My Rating: I Would Pay to See it Again  Locke Website  For a full length review of the film click here

My View: Moms' Night Out (2014) PG  Allyson (Sarah Drew) and her gal-pals just want one night out, where they can dress up and get away from their husbands and kids.  That means that the men will be in charge of the kids.  What could go wrong?  Think of this as a faith based "Adventures in Babysitting."  Sarah Drew shows some comedic talent, but the script gets lost in the second half of the film it focuses less on her character and more on the others, like Patricia Heaton's pastor's wife character.  The film never quite finds its footing, and some scenes are just painful to watch.  It's a film you want to like but can't because it just doesn't work.   My Rating:  Bargain Matinee  Moms' Night Out Website  For a full length review of the film click here

Indiefest: Belle (2013) PG Based on the life of historical figure Dido Elizabeth Belle, “Belle” tells the story of the mixed–race daughter (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) of a British Naval officer and an African woman. Raised by her aristocratic great-uncle, Lord Mansfield (Tom Wilkinson)  and his wife(Emily Watson), Belle’s lineage affords her certain privileges, yet the color of her skin prevents her from fully participating in the traditions of her social standing. Left to wonder if she will ever find love, Dido meets John Davinier (Sam Reid), a young lawyer and apprentice of Lord Mansfield. John and Dido’s meeting is the beginning of a love story that catapults Dido onto a path of self-discovery.  This is a film worth watching because of the great performance of Mbatha-Raw as Belle.  She radiates on the screen and is believable as the strong and independent woman who is willing to risk everything for love.  The film gets a little bogged down with the politics of the time but it's worth watching for the adventures of Belle as she struggle to find her place in the world.  My Rating: Full Price  Belle Website

Famiyfaire:  Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return (2014)  Dorothy ( Lea Michele) makes a return visit to Oz, this time to save the Scarecrow (Dan Aykroyd), the Lion (James Belushi) and the Tin Man (Kelsey Grammer) from the evil Jester (Martin Short).   This is another in a long line of unmemorable animated films, this time as sort of sequel to the "Wizard of Oz" but without the ruby slippers.  It's a musical that has only one song (sung at the start of the film by Lea Michele) that is memorable. The rest of the songs are used as almost filler.  The film isn't terribly imaginative, and the animation just kind of sits there.  When I attended the screening, most of the kids in the theatre didn’t pay much attention to the film.  For kids six years old and under, it might hold their attention for a while, but I feel sorry for their parents.  My Rating: Cable  Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Revenge

Forgotten Film:  Running Scared  (1986) R The 80's were full of buddy cop films, and while this is not one of the best, it's still a lot of fun.  Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines are two cops trying to bring down a drug lord  in Chicago.  When a bust goes bad, and they almost lose their lives, their captain makes them take vacation.  They travel to Key West and enjoy it so much, they decide to retire and open a bar.  But, first they must go back to Chicago to resign.  Once they get there, they find out the drug lord is out on bail and going to make a major haul.  Now, the two cops must risk their lives again to bring the man responsible for so much pain to justice.  The reason to watch this film is the great chemistry between Crystal and Hines, as they work off each other so well.  The film is a little dated (especially the 80's soundtrack...calling you out Michael McDonald) but it's a lot of fun to watch.   My Rating: Bargain Matinee  Running Scared Info

Weird Credits: From the credits of Neighbors:  Confidentiality pa

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You:  Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014). Sequel to the surprise hit of 2011.  All I have to say is Chimps with shotguns.   Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Info

Until Next Time!