The
Bottom Ten (okay, twelve) Films of 2014
1).
Left Behind (2014) How bad is this film? It makes the Kirk
Cameron's film (of the same name) from 2000 seem like a masterpiece. This film
should have been at least fun to watch because Nicolas Cage can chew scenery
with the best of them. Sadly, he looks as if he was severely depressed and
possibly on medication while making the film, and he seemed to make no effort
to show any emotion. The film is summed up by a Photo-Shopped picture of a
family that is so bad it looks as if it was done by a four-year-old with a
dial-up modem and a fax machine.
2).
Tusk (2014) It was painful and gross to watch this film, as a podcaster (Justin
Long) is (spoiler alert) turned slowly into a walrus by a mysterious seafarer
(Michael Parks). It's sad how far down writer / director Kevin Smith has come
from his glory days of Clerks (1994) and Chasing Amy (1997).
3).
Dumb and Dumber To (2014) What made this such a disappointment to watch is how
this film totally lost the fun and sweetness of the first film. This film isn't
funny and is mean spirited. Lloyd and Harry, who used to be lovable, now
just play horrible practical jokes on each other.
4).
Ouija (2014) I think a movie based on "Chutes and Ladders" would have
been scarier than this film. The plot never makes sense and is completely
confusing. It's if the filmmakers wrote this script on the board itself.
5).
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) When Megan Fox is on the screen more than
the Turtles, you know you have problems. The filmmakers were convinced that
they had to explain everything along the way, going overboard when the opening
credits told the story that they then took the next fifteen minutes to explore
again.
6). And So it Goes (2014) It's hard to make a romantic comedy where the male lead
(Michael Douglas) plays a character we actually hate. Yes, I know he is
supposed to be changed by the love a good woman (Diane Keaton), but by the time
it happens, we just don't care anymore. In fact, I want to yell at Keaton's
character to run away as fast as she can. Unfortunately, I didn't heed my own
advice.
7).
Tammy (2014) At one point I started to feel sorry for Melissa McCarthy,
handicapped by a bad script and poor jokes, until I remembered that she and her
husband were responsible for this dreck of a film. It's a sad thing when the
outtakes shown during the credits are the only funny parts.
8).
Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) It you love movies with loads of bad
dialog and action sequences that make no sense, then this is the movie for you.
The script feels as if Michael Bay just followed his son around while he played
with some toys and took notes. The film is one long product placement movie
that would be a great drinking game...the only way you will enjoy it.
9).
Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return (2014) This sort of sequel to the Wizard of Oz
will bore the kids by the first song (Good news - you will never buy the
soundtrack.), and parents will want to leave by the end of the opening credits.
Poor storytelling and even worse songwriting make this film so painful to
watch.
10A).
Transcendence (2014) I never cared if the researcher (played by Johnny Depp)
ever got out of the computer he inhabits after he dies (don't ask how that
happens). This is one of those films that I wanted to be over five minutes
after it started.
10B).
The Bag Man (2014) You would think a film noir movie that takes place in the
Louisiana swamp and stars John Cusack and Robert De Niro would at least be watchable, but
you would be wrong. Horrible dialog and plot that just never gets moving makes
this film one of the worst of the year.
10C).
Blended (2014) It wouldn't be a worst films of the year list without Mr. Adam
Sandler. Sandler likes to make films where he can take his family on vacation.
A couple of years ago, it was Hawaii with the horrible Just Go With It (2011).
This year, it’s a film about two single-parent families who mistakenly go on an
African vacation. The film felt like it was three hours long, had almost no
funny material and couldn’t decide if it was a kid’s movie or a film for frat
boys. So it did both, poorly.
Dishonorable
Mention: Dracula Untold, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very
Bad Day, The Judge, Annabelle, The Hero of Color City, The Man on Her Mind, The
Identical, Jersey Boys, Need for Speed, 3 Days to Kill, The
Nut Job, The Legend of Hercules, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones
