My Bottom Ten Films of 2014

The Bottom Ten (okay, twelve) Films of 2014

1). Left Behind (2014)   How bad is this film? It makes the Kirk Cameron's film (of the same name) from 2000 seem like a masterpiece. This film should have been at least fun to watch because Nicolas Cage can chew scenery with the best of them. Sadly, he looks as if he was severely depressed and possibly on medication while making the film, and he seemed to make no effort to show any emotion. The film is summed up by a Photo-Shopped picture of a family that is so bad it looks as if it was done by a four-year-old with a dial-up modem and a fax machine.

2). Tusk (2014) It was painful and gross to watch this film, as a podcaster (Justin Long) is (spoiler alert) turned slowly into a walrus by a mysterious seafarer (Michael Parks). It's sad how far down writer / director Kevin Smith has come from his glory days of Clerks (1994) and Chasing Amy (1997).

3). Dumb and Dumber To (2014) What made this such a disappointment to watch is how this film totally lost the fun and sweetness of the first film. This film isn't funny and is mean spirited.  Lloyd and Harry, who used to be lovable, now just play horrible practical jokes on each other.

4). Ouija (2014) I think a movie based on "Chutes and Ladders" would have been scarier than this film. The plot never makes sense and is completely confusing. It's if the filmmakers wrote this script on the board itself.

5). Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) When Megan Fox is on the screen more than the Turtles, you know you have problems. The filmmakers were convinced that they had to explain everything along the way, going overboard when the opening credits told the story that they then took the next fifteen minutes to explore again.

6).  And So it Goes (2014) It's hard to make a romantic comedy where the male lead (Michael Douglas) plays a character we actually hate. Yes, I know he is supposed to be changed by the love a good woman (Diane Keaton), but by the time it happens, we just don't care anymore. In fact, I want to yell at Keaton's character to run away as fast as she can. Unfortunately, I didn't heed my own advice.

7). Tammy (2014) At one point I started to feel sorry for Melissa McCarthy, handicapped by a bad script and poor jokes, until I remembered that she and her husband were responsible for this dreck of a film. It's a sad thing when the outtakes shown during the credits are the only funny parts.

8). Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) It you love movies with loads of bad dialog and action sequences that make no sense, then this is the movie for you. The script feels as if Michael Bay just followed his son around while he played with some toys and took notes. The film is one long product placement movie that would be a great drinking game...the only way you will enjoy it.

9). Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return (2014) This sort of sequel to the Wizard of Oz will bore the kids by the first song (Good news - you will never buy the soundtrack.), and parents will want to leave by the end of the opening credits. Poor storytelling and even worse songwriting make this film so painful to watch.

10A). Transcendence (2014) I never cared if the researcher (played by Johnny Depp) ever got out of the computer he inhabits after he dies (don't ask how that happens). This is one of those films that I wanted to be over five minutes after it started.

10B). The Bag Man (2014) You would think a film noir movie that takes place in the Louisiana swamp and stars John Cusack and Robert De Niro would at least be watchable, but you would be wrong. Horrible dialog and plot that just never gets moving makes this film one of the worst of the year.

10C). Blended (2014) It wouldn't be a worst films of the year list without Mr. Adam Sandler. Sandler likes to make films where he can take his family on vacation. A couple of years ago, it was Hawaii with the horrible Just Go With It (2011). This year, it’s a film about two single-parent families who mistakenly go on an African vacation. The film felt like it was three hours long, had almost no funny material and couldn’t decide if it was a kid’s movie or a film for frat boys. So it did both, poorly.

Dishonorable Mention: Dracula Untold, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, The Judge, Annabelle, The Hero of Color City, The Man on Her Mind, The Identical, Jersey Boys, Need for Speed, 3 Days to Kill, The Nut Job, The Legend of Hercules, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones  

Tammy

My View:  Tammy (2014)  R   Tammy (Melissa McCarthy) loses her job and finds out her husband has been having an affair with a neighbor.  After deciding to hit the road, and with no money, she enlists her Grandma Pearl (Susan Sarandon) to go on a road trip to get away from her troubles. Pearl and the road are about to teach Tammy a few of life’s lessons.  This just isn’t a very funny film.  McCarthy and her husband, Ben Falcone (who also directed), wrote the script, but, instead of highlighting the comedic talent of McCarthy, it almost buries it under the weight of bad jokes and, at times, depressing material.  Most of the cast is wasted, including Susan Sarandon, who mostly acts drunk, and Mark Duplass, who seems lost in the part of a romantic interest for McCarthy.  Kathy Bates does infuse some energy into the film, but it is far too late in the script.  I have great admiration for most of McCarthy’s work (except Identity Thief), but this just drops the ball and never recovers.  It’s a sad thing when the outtakes, shown during credits, are the funniest things in the film. My Rating: Cable  Tammy Website

Family Faire:  Earth to Echo (2014) PG   Tuck (Astro), Alex (Teo Halm) and Munch (Reese C. Hartwig) are about to lose their neighborhood because a new highway may be built through it. After one of the gang finds a mysterious object that emits a road map on their cell phones, the boys decide to spend their last night finding out where the map leads. Little do they know they are about to go on an adventure of a lifetime.  This is an E.T. for the information age, as the boys use today’s technology to help out an alien from outer space.  Of the three main boys, Astro stands out from the cast and does a impressive job with the narration.  This film isn’t up to the standards of E.T., never quite getting that magical moment that you crave, but kids will enjoy all the action, and parents will enjoy a kid’s film that has some intelligence to it.  My Rating:  Bargain Matinee  Earth to Echo Website

My View:  Deliver Us From Evil (2014)  R   NY Police officer Ralph Sarchie (Eric Bana) investigates a series of mysterious crimes. He soon enlists the help of Father Mendoza (Edgar Ramirez), when Ralph realizes that the source of the crimes may be satanical in nature. Can the two men defeat the demonic forces that seem to be taking over the city?  This is more of a crime drama than a horror film.  Most of the scares are of the "gotcha" variety with very few out and out moments that make you jump.  Think of this as more of a possession type of movie - not what I was looking for and not what was advertised. 
  My Rating: Bargain Matinee  Deliver Us From Evil Website

Indiefest:  Begin Again (2014) R   A down on his luck music executive, Dan (Mark Ruffalo), happens upon a bar where Greta (Keira Knightley) is performing. He convinces her that he will help her create an album using her music and his knowledge.  This is a film about how music can give people hope, joy and even purpose.  Knightley has a lovely voice and an excellent stage presence. There is a wonderful chemistry between Ruffalo and Knightley, which allows the two actors to create a working relationship on screen.  I loved the songs in the film.  One of the best is a song that Adam Levine, who plays Greta’s ex-boyfriend, sings in an attempt to win her back. The album that Greta and Dan record is done on the streets of New York, and the film perfectly captures the energy of the city.  If you love music, you will love this film that shows how music’s powerful effect on people can be. My Rating: Full Price  Begin Again Website

Forgotten Film:  The Fall (2008) R In 1915 Los Angeles, a young stuntman (Lee Pace) is hospitalized with broken legs after an accident on a movie set.  At the hospital, he meets a girl named Alexandria (Catinca Untaru) and begins to tell her a magical tale about a band of mercenaries who take on a bad guy by the name of Governor Odious.  As the story unfolds, the lines between reality and fantasy blur.  This is one of the most amazing visual films I have ever seen.  Shot over four years and without special effects, this film is magical in its appearance and with its storyline.  It’s a tale of hope and redemption that weaves a spell of storytelling for the delight of the audience.   My Take: Full Price  The Fall Info

Weird Credits:  From the credits of Earth to Echo:  blind stunt driver

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You:  Magic in the Moonlight (2014) PG-13 A romantic comedy where an Englishman (Colin Firth) is brought into a situation to help solve a possible swindle.  Woody Allen is hit and miss these days, but I am willing to see it because of Emma Stone and Colin Firth.  Magic in the Moonlight Info

Until Next Time!